On The Road to Phoenix
August 29th, 2005
On The Road to Phoenix, a play by Gustavo Camacho (based on a true story)
Cast of Charachers:
Gustavo.............................an unshaved Mexican with poofy hair
Angela................................a blonde girl, friend of Gustavo
Officer Bigot......................a bigot
Act I, Scene I
A run-down highway close to Canton Mississippi. Our heroes are in the midst of a 35 hour journey back home from North Carolina. Gustavo is driving a relatively new white Honda Civic. He is driving exactly 70 mph...which is the speed limit in this forsaken state. They seem to be in good spirits despite being on their 10th hour driving.
GUSTAVO: Okay, let's try it one more time...this time I'll do the second voice and you just keep singing the main melody.
BOTH, singing: Yo soy como el chile verde, llorona, picante pero sabroso!
They laugh and continue singing. Suddenly, Angela notices a certain vehicle on the side of the road up ahead.
ANGELA: I think that's a cop up ahead.
GUSTAVO, squinting and looking ahead intently: Yeah, I think you're right. I'm not speeding. But I better slow down five miles...there's no way I'm getting a speeding ticket on this road trip.
They pass the police car. Gustavo notices in the rearview mirror that the cop has pulled off the side of the road and is now closing the gap between them.
GUSTAVO, ominously: Uh oh.
ANGELA: What's wrong?
GUSTAVO: I think the cop is following us.
ANGELA: But you weren't speeding!
GUSTAVO: Yeah, I know. Maybe he's not following us after all.
A Semi pulls up right behind the Honda Civic and starts tailing them. The police car pulls up along side Gustavo and Angela and stares at them for 5 full seconds, then puts his right turn signal and squeezes in between them and the Semi.
GUSTAVO, resigned: He's on his radio...probably calling in your license plates. I know the routine. We're getting pulled over for sure.
ANGELA: But for what?
GUSTAVO: Beats me.
Sure enough, 2 minutes later, the siren goes off. "Whooooop". Gustavo curses under his breath and immediately pulls over to the side. A big, blonde, redneck cop with a buzz haircut slowly lumbers over to the front side window. He walks as if he was auditioning for "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Part Deux." He leans down and inspects the inside of the car.
OFFICER BIGOT, sneerily: You got a license?
GUSTAVO: Yes sir.
Gustavo offers his license, but Officer Bigot ignores it.
OFFICER BIGOT: Now, my question is: Why were you going 55? Afraid of getting pulled over?
GUSTAVO, completely sure that he wasn't going 55: Err...I'm fairly sure I was going 65...
OFFICER BIGOT, interrupts jerkily: No. 55.
GUSTAVO: Eh...o-kay. Eh...sorry.
OFFICER BIGOT: Go faster. You're holding up traffic.
OFFICER BIGOT idles back to his patrol car, and without a second glance speeds away. Gustavo and Angela exchange a few "What the...?" looks.
GUSTAVO: I wasn't going 55.
ANGELA: And even if you were going 55, that's your business. The minimum speed limit is 45. You can go 55 if you darn well please. If you were an older white man driving 55 mph I'll bet you he'd never have given you a second look.
GUSTAVO: I hate Mississippi. It's now my least favorite state.
ANGELA: Ditto. That was just ridiculous.
Our heroes continue on their way to Phoenix, and now everytime Gustavo sees a police car he makes sure and goes exactly the speed limit...EXACTLY!!!
Moral of the Story: While driving through Mississippi...be an older white male.
posted by Goose @ 7:32 PM
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