Tough, Immature, and Crazy: The final frontier

September 18th, 2005

This is like three posts in one...prepare for pain and humiliation!!!

Topic One:

I want to be Clint Eastwood.

I want to walk into a strange town for the first time, and immediately "dispose" of several bullies that have been terrorizing the town. Then, when one of the townsfolk asks me "What did you say your name was?", I want to reply in a tough and dangerous voice "I didn't."

I want to demand things like "How fast can you get everybody out of this hotel?" And when the owner of the hotel protests "I can't do that! There are 8 people renting rooms in that hotel. I mean, where are they supposed to go?", I'll reply with the same tough and dangerous voice "Out."

I want to say things like "You see, in this world, there's two kinds of people, my friend. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig."

I want to be Clint Eastwood.

Topic Two:

I may be a Doctoral student, but I'm still fascinated by children's books. I recently discovered a new book that ranks high up in my top 10 list (but not top 5). Since I make a list for everything, here are my top 5 children's books of all time. We'll start with Number 5...

No. 5: Wayside School is Falling Down. Each chapter tells a story of a different kid in this weird and crazy Elementary school. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and I love it for that. Although at one point, when two stories interact and a kid finds a missing ear from an earlier chapter in his refrigerator...it made sense to me for 3 seconds. For 3 full seconds I comprehended the secret of Wayside School...but then I lost it...and I haven't been able to regain it ever since. Argh!

No. 4: Bridge to Terabithia. I didn't cry. No, I didn't. Men don't cry. We spit and drink beer and chop down trees with axes. Something got stuck in my eye. I have allergies. I was sweating. It was a mirage. I didn't cry.

No. 3: The Outsiders. The movie dissapointed me, but the book was written by Hinton when she was still a teenager. Basically, this book is like "Westside Story", but without the dancing, singing, and staged fighting...that's a good thing.

No. 2: The Harry Potter books. I have to admit, I'm one of those people who jumped on the bandwagon. I had never read a Harry Potter book until the first movie came out. Then I realized that, since I act like a 5 year old most of the time, I would probably enjoy reading about wizards and boggarts and big Hagrids. "Enjoy" is not the right word here...I think I've gotten to the point of fanatical obssession. Thankfully I'm not the only one, so I'm sure a support group with pop up somewhere. HPA = Harry Potter Anonymous. "Hi. My name is Har...I mean, my name is Gustavo Camacho, and I'm addicted to Harry Potter".

No. 1: Where The Red Fern Grows. Little Ann and Old Dan!!!!! No!!!!!!!!!! And that's all I have to say about that.

Topic Three:

Okay, so sue me. I jaywalked. I'm a habitual jaywalker...so what! If everybody waited for every "walk" signal we'd all need an extra hour in our day. If there are no cars what's the point of just standing there scratching your butt. So a few days ago I saw a car very far away, and I began walking across the street. When I looked at the incoming car, I noticed he was going way way waaaaaay too fast...but still he was much too far away for me to get worried. So as I step onto the sidewalk, the big, black SUV is still 50 yards away, but apparently the mad driver didn't like anything in his path that would interrupt his suicide mission because he honked three times at me and then gave me...the finger. Ruined my day.

What's wrong with the world nowadays?