Gustavo's ULTIMATE GUIDE to Surviving Triple Digit Heat

August 1st, 2006

I live in Phoenix. Two weeks ago the temperature reached 118 degrees. This is normal here. I shall now pass on the secret knowledge I have gained from living in the desert. Here is Gustavo’s ULTIMATE GUIDE to Surviving Triple Digit Heat.

1. Move into a swimming pool. If you don’t have access to a pool, then I would suggest the following:

• Use your nearest Days Inn pool. Okay, this might get you kicked out, but a quick dip in a cold pool is worth being arrested.
• Stand at a busy intersection with a cardboard sign reading, “Need best friend with pool. Please Help. God Bless.”
• Put up “Finding Nemo” wallpaper in your room, do swimming motions with your hands, hold your breath, and think “I am in a pool. I am in a pool.”

2. Unless you want to look like THIS GUY, always use SPF 30 (at least) sunscreen.

3. When there is a true full moon, go outside with feathers stuck in your hair and do a tribal rain dance. Who knows, it might work!

4. Ice Cream = Good.

5. Socks = Bad.

6. If your air conditioner is faulty or you are too cheap/poor to pay the energy bill, consider the following options:

• Put a bowl full of ice in front of a fan.
• Walk around grocery stores all day without buying anything.
• Stand at a busy intersection with a cardboard sign reading, “Need best friend with air conditioner. Please Help. God Bless.”

7. For those unfortunate souls whose job consists of being outside in the sun, might I suggest investing in a Genuine Mariachi Sombrero?